Lost

Have you ever feel like you don't have a sense of direction?
Neither know whether you should keep moving forward or to turn back.
We all are bound to get lost in this vast and complicated life,
but in the end you only have God and yourself to figure out which path to take next.

I am in that phase that I don't know which route to take.
There are so many pathways but not all are assuring.
There are pathways to which will bring you excitement and joy,
tiredness and success, anxiety and self discovery.

But note that all routes, no matter which you take,
will not be an easy path.

I have to think about this carefully.

Luna's Tenebris Part 4

I'm so sorry that it took me months to finish one chapter of Luna's Tenebris.
I had a common problem for writers which is called writer's block.
I tried my best to make this new chapter so I hope you guys like it !

Depth

You can never know what someone has in mind, what they’re thinking. 

You might see them smiling but little do you know about the storm inside them.

We are all different. Some are like the inland sea; open, little to hide and shallow.

While others may be mysterious like the depth of the ocean; not knowing whatever

lurks within and is not as calm as the waters in the inland sea. 

I would, if I may, refer myself to be like the deep blue sea. As the sea is vast, 

I have yet to truly understand myself. Yet, day by day I start to learn little by

little about myself.

The problem about me being in a relationship is that I tend to take things too 

serious and I would always end up in confusion. I am not the type to think that 

everyone would be attracted to me. I might be too blinded by unsureness that 

I don’t really see what’s there in front of me. I am a coward because over the 

past relationships I’ve been in, I didn’t try to stop the other half from leaving.

 I am not heartless, I do have a heart. It’s just that I don’t know what to do when

it reaches that point…

People change, I’ve changed. I’ve learned from my mistakes and choose to 

mend myself and better myself. Sometimes I wish I would just meet someone 

who would truly understand me, better than myself...

Love?

"Love is something unfathomable, it is an illusion of reality,

some would say its magic pero totoo yan."

I am still young and a long journey still awaits. I might be young but if
I could say that my mind is older than my physical age then it is. We were
 born to this world in pairs and that path of finding each other isn’t easy as walking 
down to the market to find what you’re looking for. Like how life is, we learn by 
mistakes and by mistakes we better ourselves. Maybe this is a way  

I might be imperfect but note that everyone has their own flaws. It takes the
right person to see those flaws as something beautiful. I've learned so much
from my previous. I now know better and will treat the next better. I'm hoping
to find someone that can truly understand who I am and that will accept me for
who I am. I know how it hurts to be cheated on, ignored, given false hopes
and I will try my best to not do anything to harm the heart of someone I love.
This is to my future, my one and only, I have yet to know who you are but I am
sure that fate will find its way. I hate seeing tears fall down from a woman's cheek.
Regardless of who they are, it makes my heart feel like its been stabbed by a
sharp needle repeatedly. For that reason, I will do my best to put a smile on your face.

A message to my future :

I am sorry for doing anything wrong without me realizing and if I hurt you in
anyway. I can be so blinded at times and I can be stupid at times. But for sure I
would do everything I can to sweep you off your feet and be there for you when
you feel low. I don't fall in love easily and when I do, you will certainly be the
only one. I might not know who you are right now, but note that this heart is yearning
for your presence. I might be young at the time I'm writing this, but remember that
this came from the bottom of my heart and I hope to meet you in the near future.

Para my other half,
although hindi ko alam nasaan ka sa mundo,
gusto kong sabihin para sayo, mahal na mahal kita :)

Friendship

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy,

 they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
-Marcel Proust

What are we to stand alone against this harsh world, we need each
other to make things easier for us to cope with the battles we have in mind.
As mentioned in TFIOS, "The world is not a wish granting factory". As sad as it may
sound, this is the reality that we face. Friends make things worthwhile. Friends
are the warmth we need when things start to get cold. They are the ones who
would make your dark days brighter. Not to mention that there are roses in the
field of flowers, you just have to be careful on which step you take.

My time here in Melbourne would have been nothing but sadness and longings
if it weren't for the friends I've met and the friends I will meet in the future. Weird
isn't it that one day you're in a new environment with no friends and family, then
a random stranger comes along and says 'hi' and somehow your days become
ever more brighter; the fact that you have friends will make a lot of difference
when you're abroad.

Two friends of mine just moved out yesterday and one of them sent a message
in our chat group saying that how devastated she felt and how she felt as if she
left something behind. Well that 'something' is actually the friends she met, the
ones who would normally eat dinner and go out together at night. I felt sad as
well knowing that I won't be seeing their faces that often now that they moved out.

This event made me think of how will I have the strength to continue my own 
journey alone ahead. Friends are the cure to when you have a heartache.
They care for you and treat you like family. Cherish your friends, no matter
where you are and where they are. Just to make sure that you don't neglect
the friends you have back home. 

Love them, cherish them and treat them well.

This is it for this post,

hope to see you again next time.

Sincerely,

Mizan Ahmad.

Used

Scarred, lifeless and tired.

You know deep inside you deserve someone who would care and cherish you for who you are.

You know you're beautiful deep inside just like a white flower in the midst of darkness.

Sometimes the ones you thought whom would be the one weren't the ones you've been looking for all a long. They don't deserve you. No matter how low you feel about yourself, never degrade yourself as for one day, for sure, someone will appreciate every single thing you do and did in life. It's tough for when you feel lonely at times and just need someone to be by your side, as people say, people who weren't there for you when you're at your lowest, don't deserve you for when you're at your highest.

Just keep in mind that you're beautiful, intelligent and strong. You can get through this minor bump in the road in life. You're strong, for sure you are, but at certain times it's okay to break down and let everything out and pull yourself back together, for this will not only calm the raging waves inside your heart but it will also make you stronger than ever.

Never ever let people use you, no matter how weak and low you feel you are, never ever let people get the best of you. You're the lock and key to your own happiness. Never let other people be in charge of the key to your happiness since there is no such thing as someone who's worth enough to hand such fragile object.

You've been bruised, your heart is scarred by the pain you've felt in the past. You know you won't let anymore harm to come. For that you're being extra cautious to whom you trust and care. 

I am here to say that I understand what you're going through,

you're not alone and you never will be.

We are strong independent individuals and we are striving to be free from all pain.

Just remember that even if there's nobody who appreciates what you do,

I will always support you and appreciate you, for everyone has a purpose in life,

we just don't know it yet.

I hope you have a good journey ahead dear reader,

Sincerely,

Mizan Ahmad.

Bruised

Sometimes you just don't know what to feel anymore.
Sometimes you feel like breaking down and never pull yourself back together.
Reality has done its work on you, you feel tired and sick of disappointments.

Your heart is already bruised by the pain from the past.
You think its already healed but yet again you're wrong.

You feel like you're never good enough.
You feel tired of trying to do your best since nobody really appreciates your hard work.

You feel like you've gained your strength to keep on moving,
but instead you fell to your knees with your bleeding heart in your hands.

How foolish can people be?
They can't oversee the faults of people,
they don't realize that you're trying your best,
they let you fall hard on the ground instead.

You know well that you're not worth fighting for,
you're not worth to keep holding on for.

People keep on giving you false hope,
in the end you get hurt instead.

You feel like protecting yourself,
you feel like you want to end this suffering,
in the end you just feel numb.