Used

Scarred, lifeless and tired.

You know deep inside you deserve someone who would care and cherish you for who you are.

You know you're beautiful deep inside just like a white flower in the midst of darkness.

Sometimes the ones you thought whom would be the one weren't the ones you've been looking for all a long. They don't deserve you. No matter how low you feel about yourself, never degrade yourself as for one day, for sure, someone will appreciate every single thing you do and did in life. It's tough for when you feel lonely at times and just need someone to be by your side, as people say, people who weren't there for you when you're at your lowest, don't deserve you for when you're at your highest.

Just keep in mind that you're beautiful, intelligent and strong. You can get through this minor bump in the road in life. You're strong, for sure you are, but at certain times it's okay to break down and let everything out and pull yourself back together, for this will not only calm the raging waves inside your heart but it will also make you stronger than ever.

Never ever let people use you, no matter how weak and low you feel you are, never ever let people get the best of you. You're the lock and key to your own happiness. Never let other people be in charge of the key to your happiness since there is no such thing as someone who's worth enough to hand such fragile object.

You've been bruised, your heart is scarred by the pain you've felt in the past. You know you won't let anymore harm to come. For that you're being extra cautious to whom you trust and care. 

I am here to say that I understand what you're going through,

you're not alone and you never will be.

We are strong independent individuals and we are striving to be free from all pain.

Just remember that even if there's nobody who appreciates what you do,

I will always support you and appreciate you, for everyone has a purpose in life,

we just don't know it yet.

I hope you have a good journey ahead dear reader,

Sincerely,

Mizan Ahmad.

Depression

"My real enemy is myself."

To be honest, I found that phrase when I was searching for a picture via Google. If you want to know why, its because we are bringing ourselves down to reach rock bottom. When you over think, problems that weren't even there in the first place, exist due to your own actions. I'm getting a lot of symptoms of stress lately but I don't really know what is stressing me. Either it's lack of sleep (I'm able to sleep only for 4 hours a day due to my busy schedule at school and other curricular classes) or might as well be the side-effects of caffeine. I went through depression earlier this year due to my excessive thinking about problems that weren't even real which eventually became a migraine issue to me. I consulted with my doctor and he said that you should sleep more, don't over think and lay off the caffeine. A few months later, the early symptoms are coming back. Perhaps maybe I'm always thinking about my final exam this September and for the fact that I underwent this thing called "Semakan Nota" (Notes Reconciliation). I had to complete every notes I made from January until now in just a week. That made me extremely stressed and might be the main cause of my stressfulness. As they say, as you grow older, the more stress you will receive and you just have to be strong enough to lift it aside. 

Headache.

As we stood in our school hall for our routine Monday Assembly, my friends and I were all surprised to know that we have school this Saturday. Talking about ruining my chance of having a relaxation. I don't know but I think this stress can be good and might even bad. It's the way you confront this issue. Either you put it as a motivation to improve yourself or just use this as an excuse.

Maybe the main problem for is me that I just hate being annoyed or bothered whenever I'm doing something to release my stress. I get annoyed fast lately. I'm just not being myself. This feels like deja vu. It's like how I was on January. Sigh. I need some time alone and might even take one day as an escape from all this unnecessary nuisance. That will help by loads. My main idea for now is getting close to nature and be around places that's secluded and has a stream or might even look at the sunset. I haven't done that for awhile. For now I can only suppress my negativity and try to minimize it.

Thanks for reading.