Stuck

Picture this...

You're in the middle of a busy street, standing frozen, unable to move.

Everyone is moving forward in every direction.

You thought to yourself that "that was me". 

And it's true that you have been moving along, sometimes even through places so crowded that you could barely walk through. But you made it work...

For some reason you're just frozen. Unable to breathe or call out for help.

You're simply stuck... held by invisible anchors that you can't seem to unlodge yourself from.

Hi readers,

A lot has happened since I posted prior to this year. I've graduated, I've finally made it. I have completed the highest level of education there is but for whatever reason I struggle to be certain about what should come next.

What's ahead of me is vast but I'm confused by which direction to take. Its almost like I've lost my sense of direction. As much as I thought I have rediscovered myself, it doesn't feel like that's the case anymore.

I wanted to pursue clinical psychology, then medicine, then academia, then content creation. So many options where my younger self would have just pushed through any given direction. I sometimes wonder what happened to that part of myself - driven, ambitious, and wouldn't take no for an answer. Have I really been beaten up in life that much to doubt every step forward? It does feel like the case sometimes.

I know what I have to do to reset myself but even taking that step is hard. 

Grief

 You thought that grief is a friend

One that you've thought you got to know more closely over the days that's gone by

You're hit with the realisation that

No matter how much you thought you have gotten to know him

You forgot that the only reason you've gone comfortable with him

Is because he was slowly stepping further away

Then you're hit with the realisation

When he comes to visit you again

That he will never be someone you get used to.

Hi readers,

I don't know if there's anyone who would still read blogs but here I am today writing. I lost a companion, a friend, and a fur baby. His name was Kuddles and I got to know him over the last two years of his 15 year life.

He was my Prince of Darkness - always grumpy but one would mistake that for dislike. Towards the end of his life, he was less so. Thinking that it was because of old age, related to personality change, but little did we know that it was him withering slowly.

In my heart, he is always going to be my fur baby whom I'll miss seeing walking in circles, staring blankly at me for food, and would fall asleep on my chest.

I hope you're in a better place now Kuddles (12/12/2025). It was a short but sweet life with you and I hope I get to see you again someday.