Bruised

Sometimes you just don't know what to feel anymore.
Sometimes you feel like breaking down and never pull yourself back together.
Reality has done its work on you, you feel tired and sick of disappointments.

Your heart is already bruised by the pain from the past.
You think its already healed but yet again you're wrong.

You feel like you're never good enough.
You feel tired of trying to do your best since nobody really appreciates your hard work.

You feel like you've gained your strength to keep on moving,
but instead you fell to your knees with your bleeding heart in your hands.

How foolish can people be?
They can't oversee the faults of people,
they don't realize that you're trying your best,
they let you fall hard on the ground instead.

You know well that you're not worth fighting for,
you're not worth to keep holding on for.

People keep on giving you false hope,
in the end you get hurt instead.

You feel like protecting yourself,
you feel like you want to end this suffering,
in the end you just feel numb.

Balance

Hi readers,
I know its been awhile since I've posted anything on this blog.
I lost a part of myself which would normally express and has the wisest wisdom.
I'm trying to regain that part of myself back. I don't know how, I just will.

Selflessness is good in a way, but not always is. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. Sometimes its good to be selfish. But too much selfishness will do you no good. It depends on your situation. Sometimes giving too much to people and have less for yourself is good and sometimes its not good. Do good deeds with a condition that you've fulfilled your own desire and needs.

The balance of the world relies on two forces working together in harmony.
There is always good in someone who's bad and there is always bad in someone who's good.
It depends on how we balance them out.

Never ever leave yourself open to harm even when you trust a person that they won't hurt you.
In a way, never leave the key to your happiness in someone's hand and never ever feel that you're not worth anything. Just remember that there are billions of human beings in this world and we're all trying to find our missing halves. Although this saying is inappropriate to be used in this term but I don't have any other in mind, "Another man's trash is another man's treasure". Just remember that we're in a phase, we're still sorting out the things that we want and the things that we need. Our goals and such. A person might come along and leave you a scar in your heart, don't get sad. You can't open a heart lock with the wrong heart key. Don't get me wrong. No matter how much you want it to open your heart lock, it'll never work. You'll end up hurting yourself. In this matter, just stay positive and say to yourself the right one is yet to come.


In this brief lifetime of living in this world which is millions, if not billions years old, I've learned about so many things and my mind have seen what potentials and mistakes I've made. I tend to correct my mistakes in hope to not repeat it again. Patience is something I have to train myself to have. Dealing with people is not an easy task, yet we do it everyday.

I wish you guys a good day and a good rest.

Sincerely,
Mizan Ahmad.

Permanent

I guess I have improved by far in regards to controlling my depression and anxiety.
I am too deep in slumber that I had nearly forgotten about the pain and the past.
This is not a good thing, I'm letting myself drift further away into the path of regrets.
I now realized that my old self was wise but I am now turning into a fool.
I have no words for what I feel now.

Perhaps there is,
just one word;
numb.