Fragile

Fragile as a broken glass, as a new born baby and as a heart scarred with battle wounds.

I don't know how many shots can I take until I lose hope on everything. I'm trying to be positive with myself but in the end, the arrow will always hit the target. I need to be away from everyone, all the stress, all the drama and all this pressure that makes my head want to blow. I'm dying, not literally but my weak soul is. People look at me as if I'm just a parasite. What are the odds of my dreams to come true? All this pain I have to endure by myself, I don't know whether to end this misery soon or just keep moving on.

Support. Its all that I wanted, all that I crave for. What do I get instead? More heart aching comments and more stress by stupid people that only think of themselves. I have been trying to go with the flow of life but for once I want to hook on to something just so that I have a chance of living and not drowning. My heart is just too hurt to carry on. If only I could end this with a trigger of a bullet but I'm not a fool to do such thing.

Dreams, they are all shattering. Perhaps its better for me to just let go of everything and just be dreamless. What is the point of dreaming something that can't come true? When you've already worked your ass off to reach it? Am I really destined to be someone good ? Or am I really destined to be like the rocks at the bottom of the sea?

My mind is filled with fathomless thoughts that can't be put into words. I feel like ugh. I just can't wait to get out of this labyrinth of suffering, but hopefully I won't do the same thing that Alaska did.

Trying to make myself better but in the end,
the glue just won't stick. Everything starts to fall off again.

 Until my next blog post my fellow readers,
Thanks for reading.

Calm Waters

We never really do have a clue on what lurks inside calm waters. They might seem peaceful and calm but who knows whether it is filled with dangerous and alien like creatures? Just like how a person may seem calm on the outside but what about the inside? Perhaps the person may have dark secrets or even have to face too many problems that he began to become stoic about it. Perhaps thats why that person seems emotionless and calm on the outside. Perhaps he is already used to shits not going well for him.

How do you expect to do as told but the person that tells you to do things don't listen to your opinion on anything? There has to be a two link bond in between two person. Respect what other people think and just adapt to it without feeling hurt because perhaps that's how you learn to live amongst people. They have their own distinctive way of things and you just have to adjust without saying much. Perhaps this is the key to surviving abroad. To surviving even. You need to learn how to adapt. All creatures on this planet have survived through million of years because of one thing and of one thing only, its that they learn how to adapt towards the change of their surroundings. Its just a thought but perhaps it might shed some light on a few things.

I've been through a lot lately and this degree of stress is higher than what I've been through before. But like any other living creatures on this planet I have to adapt to change, even if that means that I would become inhumane to some extent. I'm adapting myself so that I wont be bothered by small problems and to be able to focus on solving main problems. Being cussed at, mocked at and any other form of insult is bearable for me because I've been through it for a long time. Its that I dont really focus on those things that made me able to move on and carry on with life. Even if life sucks to the extent of me wanting to kill myself but still, I have the strength to carry on. 

I am not perfect. In fact nobody is. We all have flaws and some sort of defects but for sure if you are matured enough, you won't go around making fun of other peoples' flaws because for sure they don't like them themselves. Instead of looking at others', how about we focus on our own flaws? You don't know how hard it is for certain people to see the value of their lives, if you go around and telling other people about that person's flaws then to some extent, the person might think that they don't have any value at all and they are not important in this world. One thing for sure is that they are wrong. You don't live to please others, if you care too much on what other people think then nothing will fall perfectly for you. That's a fact.

Strive to be a better person, prove them wrong,

let them see pass all that flaws, but one thing for sure is;

don't forget to be yourself.

Thanks for reading this lame blog post but I hope you gain a few things

by reading this.