Sweet 18

Officially 18.

Its been 18 years, officially 18 years since I first came to this world. Within this 18 years I have managed to befriends with many good people and each are unique in their very own way. I wouldn't be where I am today it weren't for God Almighty and support from families and friends.

I never imagined myself to be studying abroad, to be able to be independent, to be writing, and much more when I was small. This is it, you can never foresee what's there for your future, all you have is the present and the present is all you need to make a better future. 

I feel thankful to have friends in Melbourne who are just awesome in every way. A surprise birthday song by the end of my psychology class was something I didn't expect to happen. Thanks to Darren, a friend of mine from Sibu. You know how awkward it is to have people singing a happy birthday song to you. I just smiled and didn't make eye-contact with anyone to avoid further awkwardness. Indeed this is a birthday worth remembering. A Korean friend of mine bought me dinner at Papparich and spent me a good ol time at the karaoke place. An Indonesian friend of mine bought me a boxful of cupcakes, the one in the lovely photo I prepared for you guys.

Love yourself, love the people around you and not to forget, love your family.

I know I posted this a day after my birthday, but I was too busy with friends. *haha*

Happy Birthday to anyone who's birthday is today!

Knowing

Sometimes you feel like you want to turn back time if you knew what you know now.
Its so hard sometimes, especially when you're making life changing decisions.

You don't want to be a burden to those around you,
so you put on a big smile everyday,
and all that turns when you're back in your own space.
Alone.

Missing

                                       People change,

                                       Hearts change,

                                       Minds change.

Nothing in this world will stay the same; something that's alive that is...

Weird how sometimes you don't realise how much you've changed yourself.

Sometimes you become more loving, more excited, more....

Well... just more unlike yourself...

Have you ever felt like theres a hole inside your heart?

Something's missing but you just don't know what?

Always blaming on yourself for the mistakes you've made in the past?

You will always be haunted by it... but you just have to live with it.

Take it as a lesson for what you shouldn't do next time you're in a 

similar situation. 

Why is it so hard to open your heart for another?

You know that you should try trusting someone once more,

try letting them know how you really feel inside...

Having a deep conversation with someone you know who will

be able to relate to you, or might even just be there to listen to what

you're going through...

Just someone who'll learn more about you, perhaps even more than what you

might know about yourself. 

We are all a mystery, like the deep blue sea,

like an iceberg where you can only see the small peak when

there's actually a bigger, deeper side of you.

You can have a conversation all night,

telling that someone about your hopes and dreams.

What you find weird, what that person might find weird.

Knowing that you're not really alone in the world.

An old soul in a youthful body.

Not many can fathom.

Lost

Have you ever feel like you don't have a sense of direction?
Neither know whether you should keep moving forward or to turn back.
We all are bound to get lost in this vast and complicated life,
but in the end you only have God and yourself to figure out which path to take next.

I am in that phase that I don't know which route to take.
There are so many pathways but not all are assuring.
There are pathways to which will bring you excitement and joy,
tiredness and success, anxiety and self discovery.

But note that all routes, no matter which you take,
will not be an easy path.

I have to think about this carefully.

Luna's Tenebris Part 4

I'm so sorry that it took me months to finish one chapter of Luna's Tenebris.
I had a common problem for writers which is called writer's block.
I tried my best to make this new chapter so I hope you guys like it !

Depth

You can never know what someone has in mind, what they’re thinking. 

You might see them smiling but little do you know about the storm inside them.

We are all different. Some are like the inland sea; open, little to hide and shallow.

While others may be mysterious like the depth of the ocean; not knowing whatever

lurks within and is not as calm as the waters in the inland sea. 

I would, if I may, refer myself to be like the deep blue sea. As the sea is vast, 

I have yet to truly understand myself. Yet, day by day I start to learn little by

little about myself.

The problem about me being in a relationship is that I tend to take things too 

serious and I would always end up in confusion. I am not the type to think that 

everyone would be attracted to me. I might be too blinded by unsureness that 

I don’t really see what’s there in front of me. I am a coward because over the 

past relationships I’ve been in, I didn’t try to stop the other half from leaving.

 I am not heartless, I do have a heart. It’s just that I don’t know what to do when

it reaches that point…

People change, I’ve changed. I’ve learned from my mistakes and choose to 

mend myself and better myself. Sometimes I wish I would just meet someone 

who would truly understand me, better than myself...

Love?

"Love is something unfathomable, it is an illusion of reality,

some would say its magic pero totoo yan."

I am still young and a long journey still awaits. I might be young but if
I could say that my mind is older than my physical age then it is. We were
 born to this world in pairs and that path of finding each other isn’t easy as walking 
down to the market to find what you’re looking for. Like how life is, we learn by 
mistakes and by mistakes we better ourselves. Maybe this is a way  

I might be imperfect but note that everyone has their own flaws. It takes the
right person to see those flaws as something beautiful. I've learned so much
from my previous. I now know better and will treat the next better. I'm hoping
to find someone that can truly understand who I am and that will accept me for
who I am. I know how it hurts to be cheated on, ignored, given false hopes
and I will try my best to not do anything to harm the heart of someone I love.
This is to my future, my one and only, I have yet to know who you are but I am
sure that fate will find its way. I hate seeing tears fall down from a woman's cheek.
Regardless of who they are, it makes my heart feel like its been stabbed by a
sharp needle repeatedly. For that reason, I will do my best to put a smile on your face.

A message to my future :

I am sorry for doing anything wrong without me realizing and if I hurt you in
anyway. I can be so blinded at times and I can be stupid at times. But for sure I
would do everything I can to sweep you off your feet and be there for you when
you feel low. I don't fall in love easily and when I do, you will certainly be the
only one. I might not know who you are right now, but note that this heart is yearning
for your presence. I might be young at the time I'm writing this, but remember that
this came from the bottom of my heart and I hope to meet you in the near future.

Para my other half,
although hindi ko alam nasaan ka sa mundo,
gusto kong sabihin para sayo, mahal na mahal kita :)