Shades of the Dying Tulip

Like a wilting flower, you grow weaker day by day.
Petal by petal, they dry off and fall. Just like how your spirit is.
No matter how hard you try to be strong, lifting your head and
chin from facing the pavement; perhaps you've been strong for too long.

For something that stood sternly and aimed nothing but to reach the sky,
you indeed have grown weak. The dew drops that is hanging on the edge
 of the leaf every dawn, feeling of wanting to hold it on and keep it in.
It falls, every time you try to, you have no control over it.
Those drops are like pearls; as precious as it is, sometimes its better to let go.

Again

The world is moving so fast that you're not really sure

where you're standing at the moment. Everything is just too much for you to handle.

Its almost as if the world is suddenly becoming unfair, why only now?

And at times you feel that nobody can understand you;

nobody is there to stand by you when you need someone the most.

You're surrounded by people but all you can hear is the thoughts raging inside

your mind. Insecurity, loneliness & lost. Yes that's the word I was looking for....

L o s t.

I remembered about how it is;

when everything seems to be going well, its only the matter of time

for the wheel to turn and make everything upside down.

Who knows right?

This change that I have right now,

its good but at the same time I miss how it was back then.

All of those negative and deep thoughts running down from my veins to the edge

of my fingertips and onto writing.

Confused. I am so confused.

You suddenly don't know if you're doing the right thing,

although its what you've dreamt for since you're 15. 

Why must everything be so complicated when it seem so simple on the outside.

Sometimes you just wish to run away from everything but you know

that sooner or later you have to come back to face the monster that has been chasing you

all these years. Sometimes you just feel like screaming at the top of your lungs. That monster that you thought have given up on chasing you;

you never knew because you were too afraid to look back and just kept running until you

feel like that's enough. 

Sweet 18

Officially 18.

Its been 18 years, officially 18 years since I first came to this world. Within this 18 years I have managed to befriends with many good people and each are unique in their very own way. I wouldn't be where I am today it weren't for God Almighty and support from families and friends.

I never imagined myself to be studying abroad, to be able to be independent, to be writing, and much more when I was small. This is it, you can never foresee what's there for your future, all you have is the present and the present is all you need to make a better future. 

I feel thankful to have friends in Melbourne who are just awesome in every way. A surprise birthday song by the end of my psychology class was something I didn't expect to happen. Thanks to Darren, a friend of mine from Sibu. You know how awkward it is to have people singing a happy birthday song to you. I just smiled and didn't make eye-contact with anyone to avoid further awkwardness. Indeed this is a birthday worth remembering. A Korean friend of mine bought me dinner at Papparich and spent me a good ol time at the karaoke place. An Indonesian friend of mine bought me a boxful of cupcakes, the one in the lovely photo I prepared for you guys.

Love yourself, love the people around you and not to forget, love your family.

I know I posted this a day after my birthday, but I was too busy with friends. *haha*

Happy Birthday to anyone who's birthday is today!

Knowing

Sometimes you feel like you want to turn back time if you knew what you know now.
Its so hard sometimes, especially when you're making life changing decisions.

You don't want to be a burden to those around you,
so you put on a big smile everyday,
and all that turns when you're back in your own space.
Alone.

Missing

                                       People change,

                                       Hearts change,

                                       Minds change.

Nothing in this world will stay the same; something that's alive that is...

Weird how sometimes you don't realise how much you've changed yourself.

Sometimes you become more loving, more excited, more....

Well... just more unlike yourself...

Have you ever felt like theres a hole inside your heart?

Something's missing but you just don't know what?

Always blaming on yourself for the mistakes you've made in the past?

You will always be haunted by it... but you just have to live with it.

Take it as a lesson for what you shouldn't do next time you're in a 

similar situation. 

Why is it so hard to open your heart for another?

You know that you should try trusting someone once more,

try letting them know how you really feel inside...

Having a deep conversation with someone you know who will

be able to relate to you, or might even just be there to listen to what

you're going through...

Just someone who'll learn more about you, perhaps even more than what you

might know about yourself. 

We are all a mystery, like the deep blue sea,

like an iceberg where you can only see the small peak when

there's actually a bigger, deeper side of you.

You can have a conversation all night,

telling that someone about your hopes and dreams.

What you find weird, what that person might find weird.

Knowing that you're not really alone in the world.

An old soul in a youthful body.

Not many can fathom.

Lost

Have you ever feel like you don't have a sense of direction?
Neither know whether you should keep moving forward or to turn back.
We all are bound to get lost in this vast and complicated life,
but in the end you only have God and yourself to figure out which path to take next.

I am in that phase that I don't know which route to take.
There are so many pathways but not all are assuring.
There are pathways to which will bring you excitement and joy,
tiredness and success, anxiety and self discovery.

But note that all routes, no matter which you take,
will not be an easy path.

I have to think about this carefully.

Luna's Tenebris Part 4

I'm so sorry that it took me months to finish one chapter of Luna's Tenebris.
I had a common problem for writers which is called writer's block.
I tried my best to make this new chapter so I hope you guys like it !