Used

Scarred, lifeless and tired.

You know deep inside you deserve someone who would care and cherish you for who you are.

You know you're beautiful deep inside just like a white flower in the midst of darkness.

Sometimes the ones you thought whom would be the one weren't the ones you've been looking for all a long. They don't deserve you. No matter how low you feel about yourself, never degrade yourself as for one day, for sure, someone will appreciate every single thing you do and did in life. It's tough for when you feel lonely at times and just need someone to be by your side, as people say, people who weren't there for you when you're at your lowest, don't deserve you for when you're at your highest.

Just keep in mind that you're beautiful, intelligent and strong. You can get through this minor bump in the road in life. You're strong, for sure you are, but at certain times it's okay to break down and let everything out and pull yourself back together, for this will not only calm the raging waves inside your heart but it will also make you stronger than ever.

Never ever let people use you, no matter how weak and low you feel you are, never ever let people get the best of you. You're the lock and key to your own happiness. Never let other people be in charge of the key to your happiness since there is no such thing as someone who's worth enough to hand such fragile object.

You've been bruised, your heart is scarred by the pain you've felt in the past. You know you won't let anymore harm to come. For that you're being extra cautious to whom you trust and care. 

I am here to say that I understand what you're going through,

you're not alone and you never will be.

We are strong independent individuals and we are striving to be free from all pain.

Just remember that even if there's nobody who appreciates what you do,

I will always support you and appreciate you, for everyone has a purpose in life,

we just don't know it yet.

I hope you have a good journey ahead dear reader,

Sincerely,

Mizan Ahmad.

Bruised

Sometimes you just don't know what to feel anymore.
Sometimes you feel like breaking down and never pull yourself back together.
Reality has done its work on you, you feel tired and sick of disappointments.

Your heart is already bruised by the pain from the past.
You think its already healed but yet again you're wrong.

You feel like you're never good enough.
You feel tired of trying to do your best since nobody really appreciates your hard work.

You feel like you've gained your strength to keep on moving,
but instead you fell to your knees with your bleeding heart in your hands.

How foolish can people be?
They can't oversee the faults of people,
they don't realize that you're trying your best,
they let you fall hard on the ground instead.

You know well that you're not worth fighting for,
you're not worth to keep holding on for.

People keep on giving you false hope,
in the end you get hurt instead.

You feel like protecting yourself,
you feel like you want to end this suffering,
in the end you just feel numb.

Balance

Hi readers,
I know its been awhile since I've posted anything on this blog.
I lost a part of myself which would normally express and has the wisest wisdom.
I'm trying to regain that part of myself back. I don't know how, I just will.

Selflessness is good in a way, but not always is. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. Sometimes its good to be selfish. But too much selfishness will do you no good. It depends on your situation. Sometimes giving too much to people and have less for yourself is good and sometimes its not good. Do good deeds with a condition that you've fulfilled your own desire and needs.

The balance of the world relies on two forces working together in harmony.
There is always good in someone who's bad and there is always bad in someone who's good.
It depends on how we balance them out.

Never ever leave yourself open to harm even when you trust a person that they won't hurt you.
In a way, never leave the key to your happiness in someone's hand and never ever feel that you're not worth anything. Just remember that there are billions of human beings in this world and we're all trying to find our missing halves. Although this saying is inappropriate to be used in this term but I don't have any other in mind, "Another man's trash is another man's treasure". Just remember that we're in a phase, we're still sorting out the things that we want and the things that we need. Our goals and such. A person might come along and leave you a scar in your heart, don't get sad. You can't open a heart lock with the wrong heart key. Don't get me wrong. No matter how much you want it to open your heart lock, it'll never work. You'll end up hurting yourself. In this matter, just stay positive and say to yourself the right one is yet to come.


In this brief lifetime of living in this world which is millions, if not billions years old, I've learned about so many things and my mind have seen what potentials and mistakes I've made. I tend to correct my mistakes in hope to not repeat it again. Patience is something I have to train myself to have. Dealing with people is not an easy task, yet we do it everyday.

I wish you guys a good day and a good rest.

Sincerely,
Mizan Ahmad.

Permanent

I guess I have improved by far in regards to controlling my depression and anxiety.
I am too deep in slumber that I had nearly forgotten about the pain and the past.
This is not a good thing, I'm letting myself drift further away into the path of regrets.
I now realized that my old self was wise but I am now turning into a fool.
I have no words for what I feel now.

Perhaps there is,
just one word;
numb.

Life

Its been 10 days since I've arrived here in Melbourne,

lets just say that everything here is doing well for me.

Unlike the posts I'll be writing for sunriseatdownunder,

I won't go through places and lifestyle in this blog.

This is still and will always be my personal blog which I

will post up rants, writings and pretty much like how I normally do.

It does feel weird to not being able to see familiar places and faces

but I've gained a lot of experience and new friends from a variety of backgrounds here.

I won't forget those back at home, don't worry.

Friends with me will be friends for life.

I'll remember all those good deeds you've made to me.

College life has already begun and it was really an exciting thing for me.

I just can't wait for the subjects that I'll be taking in the third trimester

which is Applied Psychology.

Perhaps why I took this one instead of business and creative writing is

that I'm still unsure on whether to pursue aviation or psychology.

Since I'm able to experience what its like studying psychology first hand,

I would take that chance to make me think clearly on the pathway I'm going.

I think that's it for today, until next time.

Thanks for reading.

Fashion

Hello people,

As most of you would've known by now, my new blog will be all about fashion and lifestyle.

Truthfully, I've always wanted to start a fashion blog but I've never had the chance to go on with it.

Well I guess its true that one thing leads to another that me moving to Melbourne would mean me pursuing my personal goals and ambitions.

I may not have much knowledge for now, but the world is a vast place filled with people and knowledge. I know that if you just believe, things will fall the way you hope for it to be. With the correct mindset that is. Well, making the first step is always the hardest right? 

I hope you guys will enjoy my new blog as much as you do on this one. Time sure flies fast,

two more weeks before pursuing my studies!

Wishing you guys a good day,

Mizan Ahmad.

Luna's Tenebris Part III Flos

The birds sang a glorious melody that woke me up from my slumber. I opened my eyes slowly to see him still in the couch. A smile carved on my face as I remembered the way he kissed my hand the night before. My heart rate tripled its pace as I saw him lay asleep there with the sunlight that was coming from the window next to him. He shone like an angel. Perfectly still. The sound of the bed spring woke him up as I was about to get up to put a blanket over him.

“Good morning, my Lady,” he said while rubbing his eyes.

“Good morning to you too,” I was trying to get off the bed and stand but it seemed like I hadn’t heal fully from the drop.

“Do you need help? Should I call the nurse?”, his face showed only signs of worries.

I shook my head and said, “Never mind, it’s okay. I can do this.”

……………………………………………………………..

My phone rang, it was Kate again. She panicked when she knew that I was admitted to the hospital. She was around the area and decided to visit me since no relative of mine were around. She was like family to me. We grew up together in a small town a few kilometres from where I live now. I had nobody else now…

Arthur stood up as soon as I hung up the call.

“Where are you going?” it came out more like a shout.

“I should be going now since your friend will come over soon.”

“I think it would be good for me to pay for your deeds, how about dinner?”

“Dinner? Miss Vasiliev, don’t worry on paying my deeds since I did what I thought was wise.”

Disappointments washed over me when words pierced my heart like a thousand needles. It must have shown on my face, he must’ve had noticed.

“Saturday, around 7pm. I’ll pick you up, my lady” he handed over his card to me.

Weird as it was, the card had the same symbol as his tattoo. What does this symbol represent?

I’d seen it before. I was sure of it.

……………………………………………………………..

Kate entered the room minutes after Alex went away. Kate was holding something in her hand, a box. I recognize that box straightaway, it was decorated with pictures of flowers, red and pink roses. It was back when we were a child that Kate’s mother brought us to go to the town for grocery shopping. Kate and I were strolling around the decoration aisle when we found this beautiful box. Kate’s mother was reluctant to buy it for us at first, she changed her mind after a few minutes of annoyance from both her friend’s daughter and hers. We used it to store ‘precious’ items; mostly junks that we found from strolling in the woods.

Kate sat down near my bed and opened the box. This was part of my childhood that I will always cherish, although my past was still blurry to me, I could still recall good memories that came by. I lost my parents when I was 5. Kate’s mother was a good friend of my mother so she took me in and treated me as her own. She started acting weird when I was 15. She mentioned that I was a curse and that I should’ve died along with my parents. She was then put into a mental institute for delusional disorder when I was 16. I could still recall what she said when she was dragged away by two men dressed in white, “The darkness is after you Luna, they came for me and they will come for you!” Kate and I had to move in with her uncle, not long after I turned 18, Kate’s mother killed herself in her room by hanging herself. That was the day that both Kate and I had to toughen ourselves up and be strong independent young women.

Remembering all those bad memories, I didn’t want to see what was inside the box. That was until…..