Luna's Tenebris : Part I Ravus

I realized I was a fool searching for something that was nearly impossible to find. I was a fool to think that such thing would actually exist in this world of chaos. Although people say that even in the darkness of the night, the moon will shine and soon darkness will vanquish. My hopes faltered after realizing that light will never truly vanquish the dark. As the moon and the dark can never be truly apart.

I pressed my temples with my hand and realized it was already dawn. The pain I had in my head wouldn't fade away like how it used to. Everything was dull to me. My room which was covered in grey and white decorations didn't help to enlighten myself to greet the day with a spirit. I looked around to see nobody in this empty apartment of mine. Unwashed laundry scattered everywhere in my room, I had no will whatsoever to clean this mess. My phone rang and it was Kate,"Where the hell are you? The professor is going to kill you if you don't come over in 5 minutes." I was still in a blur to what was going on. My eyes widened as I remembered that I was supposed to help him to set up his presentation today in front of the Council. Adrenaline rushed in my veins as I quickly got up and headed straight to my campus.

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Sweat formed on my forehead. Even the cold wind of early Spring couldn't cool me down. I was a few feet away from the entrance to my faculty and with a blink of an eye, the door opened and I lost my balance for a second before this one guy grabbed hold of my hand and quickly pulled me into his arms. Everything went slow for a moment as I looked up and saw his mesmerizing brown eyes and smile. My heartbeat tripled its pace and blood rushed to my cheeks making it pinkish red. I snapped out of the gaze and picked up everything that had fallen.

"Are you okay, Miss?", he proceeded to help me pick up my fallen items.
"I'm fine.", I couldn't stand looking into his eyes so I looked down due to that embarrassing moment that had befallen to me.
"I'm sorry if I had knocked you off your feet. For a moment there I thought there was nobody coming in.", he straighten up and smiled.
"It's okay. I'm alright.", I tucked an errant strand of hair back behind my ear and left without looking back.

I heard him say something but I was already late to turn back.

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Forgotten Part I

Forgotten

Why must the world be unfair to some of us? We were all created as equals, guys and girls, we were meant to fill what each other are lacking, to make us whole. Each and everyone of us are fighting our own battle which we may or might not know about. What hurts a lot is when you deem yourself worthless and that everyone else around you treat you that way.

Sitting down, with my back against the cold wall of my bedroom, the dim light that makes everything seem dull, I now know that love is only something that we create to forget reality for a little while. It is of our own foolish thoughts that made such infatuation true. 

A quote from my favourite movie mentioned, “Love, why would you make yourself believe in something that is just a beautiful lie?”.

Love is a beautiful lie that we tell to ourselves.

Love is what shapes us and it is the cause of our own destruction.

Tears begin to form and fall down from my cheeks, everything feels numb now. Not even the cut I made on my wrist can defeat the pain that struck my heart as it is now broken to pieces. Trails of crimson red flow from my wrist to the white marble of the floor. The feeling of heartache, disappointment and most of all, the feeling of being worthless was pumping in my veins, swallowing me whole and making me reminisce on what happened for the past few weeks.

…………………………………………………………………………

September 13^th

The soothing ocean breeze greeted me as I strolled along the beach. Being used to being alone made me feel like it was a normal thing to do, to stroll by myself while my friends were enjoying their time together. It didn’t bother me that much. I took photos of the beautiful creation God made, I enjoy taking photographs as I know that this little moments are worth to be cherished and to be kept as a reminder of the good old days when I come to a dead end in the near future. As I was enjoying the sand under my feet, with the ray of the sun blissfully shone my way along the beach, there I saw her. The dress she wore made her bloom like flowers in early spring. The smile that she wore was as beautiful as the scenery at dawn before the sun greets the mountains with purplish hue. She was sitting under a palm tree near to where my friends were at. She was blowing bubbles and without me noticing, my finger pressed the shutter button of my camera and took a beautiful photo her. It was as if my body had the mind of its own. I smiled in awkwardness as she looked at me. I walked away as if nothing happened, but I could feel a rush of blood rushed up to my cheeks that made it pinkish red.

Update

Sorry guys for not being able to finish Dranias as I failed to
construct a decent plot for the short story.
I'm currently working on a new short story titled "Forgotten".

Stay tuned for more updates on the new short story by no other than me.

Here's a short preview of the short story..

Forgotten by Mizan Ahmad

Why must the world be unfair to some of us? We were all created as equals, guys and girls, we were meant to fill what each other are lacking, to make us whole. Each and everyone of us are fighting our own battle which we may or might not know about. What hurts a lot is when you deem yourself worthless and that everyone else around you treat you that way.

Sitting down, with my back against the cold wall of my bedroom, the dim light that makes everything seem dull, I now know that love is only something that we create to forget reality for a little while. It is of our own foolish thoughts that made such infatuation true. A quote from my favourite movie mentioned, “Love, why would you make yourself believe in something that is just a beautiful lie?”.

Love is a beautiful lie that we tell to ourselves.

Love is what shapes us and it is the cause of our own destruction.

Tears begin to form and fall down from my cheeks, everything feels numb now. Not even the cut I made on my wrist can defeat the pain that struck my heart as it is now broken to pieces. Trails of crimson red flow from my wrist to the white marble of the floor. The feeling of heartache, disappointment and most of all, the feeling of being worthless was pumping in my veins, swallowing me whole and making me reminisce on what happened for the past few weeks.

............................................................................................................

 

Thanks for reading.

Fragile

Fragile as a broken glass, as a new born baby and as a heart scarred with battle wounds.

I don't know how many shots can I take until I lose hope on everything. I'm trying to be positive with myself but in the end, the arrow will always hit the target. I need to be away from everyone, all the stress, all the drama and all this pressure that makes my head want to blow. I'm dying, not literally but my weak soul is. People look at me as if I'm just a parasite. What are the odds of my dreams to come true? All this pain I have to endure by myself, I don't know whether to end this misery soon or just keep moving on.

Support. Its all that I wanted, all that I crave for. What do I get instead? More heart aching comments and more stress by stupid people that only think of themselves. I have been trying to go with the flow of life but for once I want to hook on to something just so that I have a chance of living and not drowning. My heart is just too hurt to carry on. If only I could end this with a trigger of a bullet but I'm not a fool to do such thing.

Dreams, they are all shattering. Perhaps its better for me to just let go of everything and just be dreamless. What is the point of dreaming something that can't come true? When you've already worked your ass off to reach it? Am I really destined to be someone good ? Or am I really destined to be like the rocks at the bottom of the sea?

My mind is filled with fathomless thoughts that can't be put into words. I feel like ugh. I just can't wait to get out of this labyrinth of suffering, but hopefully I won't do the same thing that Alaska did.

Trying to make myself better but in the end,
the glue just won't stick. Everything starts to fall off again.

 Until my next blog post my fellow readers,
Thanks for reading.

Calm Waters

We never really do have a clue on what lurks inside calm waters. They might seem peaceful and calm but who knows whether it is filled with dangerous and alien like creatures? Just like how a person may seem calm on the outside but what about the inside? Perhaps the person may have dark secrets or even have to face too many problems that he began to become stoic about it. Perhaps thats why that person seems emotionless and calm on the outside. Perhaps he is already used to shits not going well for him.

How do you expect to do as told but the person that tells you to do things don't listen to your opinion on anything? There has to be a two link bond in between two person. Respect what other people think and just adapt to it without feeling hurt because perhaps that's how you learn to live amongst people. They have their own distinctive way of things and you just have to adjust without saying much. Perhaps this is the key to surviving abroad. To surviving even. You need to learn how to adapt. All creatures on this planet have survived through million of years because of one thing and of one thing only, its that they learn how to adapt towards the change of their surroundings. Its just a thought but perhaps it might shed some light on a few things.

I've been through a lot lately and this degree of stress is higher than what I've been through before. But like any other living creatures on this planet I have to adapt to change, even if that means that I would become inhumane to some extent. I'm adapting myself so that I wont be bothered by small problems and to be able to focus on solving main problems. Being cussed at, mocked at and any other form of insult is bearable for me because I've been through it for a long time. Its that I dont really focus on those things that made me able to move on and carry on with life. Even if life sucks to the extent of me wanting to kill myself but still, I have the strength to carry on. 

I am not perfect. In fact nobody is. We all have flaws and some sort of defects but for sure if you are matured enough, you won't go around making fun of other peoples' flaws because for sure they don't like them themselves. Instead of looking at others', how about we focus on our own flaws? You don't know how hard it is for certain people to see the value of their lives, if you go around and telling other people about that person's flaws then to some extent, the person might think that they don't have any value at all and they are not important in this world. One thing for sure is that they are wrong. You don't live to please others, if you care too much on what other people think then nothing will fall perfectly for you. That's a fact.

Strive to be a better person, prove them wrong,

let them see pass all that flaws, but one thing for sure is;

don't forget to be yourself.

Thanks for reading this lame blog post but I hope you gain a few things

by reading this.

Love

"Learn to love yourself before loving others."

I now know what this phrase truly means. You gain knowledge by experiencing things in life,
I can say that I've been through a lot. This phrase actually says that how can you love someone when you don't love yourself ? Putting others in front of you while you suffer and rot. Being in love means being equal, even if you love that person so much, you have to know when to let go because loving yourself means that you have to stand up for yourself. The outcome for not loving yourself would either be you hurting yourself or him/she hurting you. You know that when you love yourself you won't let anything bad happen to you. So my advice here is before you love anyone else, learn to love yourself first.

This is just things from my own point of view, this is not from something that a professional counselor or anyone that's in a professional field. Just me, a 17 year old high school student who has been observing pretty much everything.

I guess why I'm not in any relationship is that I have yet to learn to love myself. As someone who has depression and anxiety, its really hard to maintain a good relationship because you tend to distance yourself from people who really cares. Everyone deserves to be loved and perhaps not everyone meet the right person. This is just a thought, well most of my blog posts are my own personal thoughts.


Never lie, never cheat, never play around with people's feelings.

Thanks for reading.

Obstacles

Obstacles are meant to be either jumped over or destroyed. Whichever the person's choice is in order to continue on. The problem here isn't whether you can do it, its believing yourself and that of your own control of fear. But once you've jumped over that hurdle, everything will seem like nothing. Nothing will be able to stop you from getting what you want.

I have a fear of loneliness. The thought of me being in a foreign country with no relatives nearby and friends scares me a lot. I was questioning myself, of my own capabilities, whether or not I could jump over this obstacle or will I fall into a deep abyss. After the session I had earlier at ASA, it opened my eyes to see that I will have to go through that phase sooner or later. I've made my choice and I will dare to challenge myself, to improve myself. Perhaps things will turn out okay, who knows. But all that I know now is to prepare everything, documents and such and just go with the flow.

You could either choose to stay in the state of loneliness, or explore what lies outside of the cave. I choose to venture onto the unknowns and seek adventures that might lead me to the better side of the island. You may not know your limits until you try and challenge yourself. I guess I'm pretty motivated for today because all of those useless thoughts I had made me feel unprepared for adulthood. Well, it stops today and I'll try to change how my mind thinks bit by bit.

Thanks for reading.