Change

Change is inevitable,

Just like how the sun will always shine

As dawn breaks,

As is how the moon will always rise

When dusk arrives.

Colder... You find yourself scrapping off fragments of your heart or what's left from the heart break.
Naked... You feel as if you were stripped off from any last bit of your pride.

Shaking... You feel your hands tremble from the anxiety of knowing.

Tears... They fall one by one. The only source of warmth you feel in your whole body.

What happened?

Trust which was given away that easily have been put into the bin by a person. A person of which you put first all the time. Sacrificing ever last bit just to put a smile on that person's face. You remember a time where you were telling yourself what not to do when you are in love with someone.

1. Never put someone's needs above your own.

2. Never change yourself to be loved by others.

3. Never forget both of the above.

Perhaps what happened before was not enough to leave a now permanent mark in your heart. What happened in the past was forgotten as does how your own words of wisdom started to fade within pages. Not until... Not until you finally get a slap in your own face for not following what you have once said to yourself before.

Time heals

For sure time will heal but a person may or may not forget. Words are spoken weaponry; used unwisely, it could damage a person entirely. For now, I'm still waiting for that moment where I would forget at least a little bit of the pain that was caused to me.

March... April... May...

Time flies doesn't it? It is now August and perhaps just two months more until my birthday. 

A day is just a day now isn't it? As I grow older I find myself to appreciate less on festivities and gatherings.

People just change

You know it in your heart no matter how hard you try to deny it,

People change and you did too...

Patience

The tenderness of the soil after rain
Would bring hope for life awaiting to sprout
The dark skies will soon be illuminated by the stars
As with your life with true love

Confused

Your heart beat sound was loud enough to hear. Hands were shaking lightly that no one could notice but you. All of a sudden you feel as if the room was 10 times smaller than it really is. Struggling to breathe, you have to go away. You were surrounded with people but could pay attention to no one but yourself. You couldn't do anything.

Paper Boat

Drifting as the current carries you away. Not knowing where you would end up at but one thing for sure is that you are actually going somewhere. No control over your directions, you feel as if you are powerless and empowered at the same time. The skies turn dark and the waves are crashing harder than before. You wonder upon whether you would survive this. You look back at land and saw that there is nothing there to keep you from drifting even further away. All hopes and dreams faded the moment you were folded into the shape that you are. Just as you see a ray of light coming through the gloomy sky, a rock decided to keep you anchored. You feel a sense of relief as you have a friend to keep you company while the storm passes. Yet, like the storm, the rock decides to let go of you as soon as the sky turns blue again. 

Alone yet again, drifting... slowly fading... 

Until you can no longer hold the water from entering your body. You decide to let go. 

Sinking... slowly torn...

You feel finally at peace.

Try

I don't know why I bother trying. I find it pointless now.
I don't know why I'm writing this at 3am but I just feel like writing now.
There's a high possibility of me deleting this post in the future but let's just see how it goes.

I am trying that's all I can say. I don't know how much longer will I last but we'll see.
Trying to hold on to every bit of positivity you have left in your life. I'm not sure why I even try to because it's pointless.

I really miss writing tbh. I haven't been focusing in a lot of things lately. That, too, I don't know why.
Perhaps this is my "idk" stage of my life. I feel so tired of trying to do things I couldn't be bothered now even.

I guess that's one reason why I temporarily deactivated my instagram account. Not to say that I'm trying to achieve something but just that I feel tired because I feel that there's a constant stress of expectancies even though there aren't any. One reason why I've chosen not to tell anyone when I'll be back in KK this time. I just want things to myself.

I'm not sure what I want anymore now.

Kindred

Cold, hands numb;
One can never feel such.

Alone, in the dark;
Perhaps it was meant.

Understood, no one;
Mind was too much.

Grief, lost soul;
One can never retrieve.

Sacrifice, foolishly;
Perhaps for the wrong.

Labyrinth, forever;
Mind is indeed.

Mockingbird

Leaves begin to grow as spring finally arrives. There is no more sense of winter except for the cold breeze that would sometimes pass by. Perched on a branch, you see a bright glow in the sky but yet you see not the source of where the light is coming from. You begin to wonder how is it a little creature like you would survive in this horrid world. Alone, it is as if you no longer feel the comfort of another. Perhaps that is it...

You spread your wings just to get rid of the cold feeling you begin to have, shaking away as you do. Why is must it be this way? The coldness of winter has faded but yet you still feel cold, somewhere deep inside. Filling your lungs with the morning air, you feel every inch of your lungs expanding and there you feel a lump. A lump of which you know the source of the cold. A lump inside your heart.

You have been flying alone, and that you see others but yet they do not stick around. You try your best to have them at ease with your presence but what you do not know is that they are just there to find peace themselves and so they fly away once they have had their share.

What is it about being you that somehow pushes others away? You yourself ponder upon the same question for endless nights. Are you even relevant to this world? Would it be better to wither away like the leaves in autumn? The coldness that is in your heart begins to sink in... Freezing every single inch of your heart until you now feel nothing but a mere insignificant mockingbird.