Random

Enjoy whatever and regret nothing.

I've learned something valuable these past few years.

Its something that you won't regret doing.

That something is trying new things.

It won't hurt you and the experience gained are precious !

I used to be afraid of trying new things and now that I think of it,

I regret for not trying and I've wasted loads of opportunities that could

possibly bring bliss to me.

A shout out to everyone out there,

just try new things that would bring good to you !

You will start to enjoy life more and it helps to bring the best of you.

Thanks for reading :)

Lost

Why do we only realize how precious something is when its gone forever?

Its sad. Sad to think about it.

I wonder how many people would come to my funeral,
How many would shed their tears when I'm gone?

Death is something inevitable.

When you die, they will remember you for your good deeds, only for awhile that is.
Then they will move on and just forget about you.
You see, suicide is not an answer to anything.
Although it sounds so inviting at times but you have to think
about it thoroughly.

It's useless.

Learn to appreciate what you have before its gone, before that someone is gone.
Choose your friends carefully. Some will only use you and some will stand by you
at your lowest. Who you befriends with will impact you emotionally.

Perhaps the ones you thought would be there for you when you needed them,
will only abandon you when they've found a better option.

Its sad but its true. I know because I'm going through the same situation.

Life

Life, as they say, is fucked up.
People face different challenges each day. Each and one of us with our own battle.
Perhaps you might see a cheerful, perfect, rich girl but you might not know what
she has to face everyday at home. Or even a smart ass dude who got at least an A- for each subjects but for sure you don't know what shit he has to face everyday.

Humans are becoming more inhumane. They are becoming more and more self-centered by each passing day. Today, kindness has become a rare thing that people mistook for flirting. Fucked up society we're living in.

This is my opinion on how I see things in this world, but as I see it, its shitty. An act of kindness is often replied with an act of cruelty. What makes me sad to see is that society wants us to be confident and to express ourselves but as we do so, we only get judged and so. Lesson learned is that you can never please society. Just do what the fuck you want to do as long as it doesn't burden others. You shouldn't give a damn towards what others think because you can only live this life once. Do things that you won't regret doing and just feel free.

I have yet to free myself from this labyrinth of mine. I just want to live my life the way I want to live it and to minimize the stress I get from other people. At least then, I could just fly off anywhere and just be free.

That's it from me today.
Thanks for reading.

Humans

I don't really understand how the mind works and how our environment affects our behavior but for sure its not that really difficult to be understood.

Some people might say capture every moment you have because every moment is worth cherishing.
On the other hand, some might say that you should live the moment instead of capturing it.
I don't really know which one is better but for sure it depends on ourselves to choose.
Each decisions we make defines us as a person, some might make the wrong decisions but for sure what matters most is your next. Whether or not you could redeem your previous mistakes or just succumb yourself in a sea of guilt and ignorance.

Nobody is perfect, this is true. We need mistakes to learn, to better ourselves. How can we learn without making any errors in life? For sure experience plays part. It revolves around that you see.
Each and everyone of us are different from each other. You might find someone who can relate to you and what not but for sure if you get to know the person more, even if the person could understand your situation or your emotions or even how you act, deep down there must be something that's not aligned in the constellation of your stars and the person's.

I'm talking bull pretty much.
I guess I'll leave it until here then.

Thanks for reading :)

Unvalued. Unappreciated.

Hi guys, I know its been awhile since I've posted up anything here. My big exam is just around the corner so yeah.

Unvalued. Unappreciated.

How would you feel when people around you take you for granted?
Its either you become stoic or might as well become soulless. Accept or change.
Imagine knowing that you've been unwanted since you came out of your mother's womb, it hurts doesn't it ?

This is just a random fathomless thought.

A mere caterpillar who meant nothing to people evolved into something beautiful. Only then it will be appreciated. Society is just a wreck. Humans are becoming inhumane day by day. This is my labyrinth of suffering and sadly, the only way out of this suffering is to end it by freeing your body and spirit forever. Letting go of everything and just proceed to the next stage of the oblivion.

I am utterly speechless.

The feeling of being unappreciated hurts a lot. No matter how hard you try to change that, it won't go away. People set certain expectations towards other people which will only bring more negativity towards both parties.

Life is a gift which is more valuable than any material that can be found on this planet but sadly things don't go that way in modern society's mind set. Let me give you a scenario...

An 18 year old boy was involved in a life threatening accident.
What you might think is that the boy's parents would ask about his condition first,
but sadly in reality the boy's parents would ask about the condition of the lifeless four-wheeled piece of metal first.

 Mainly the point is that in most cases, materials are more valuable than a person's life.

People don't really know how or what to appreciate. Not until its gone for good.

Dranias : Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I came home after a day out with Mike and found both my parents sitting on the round dinner table as I passed through the main hallway. I was shocked because it’s been ages since I’ve seen them sitting down like a normal couple would. I asked what was happening.

“I have great news for you! I just got an offer for a raise and will be stationed somewhere far north.”

“What do you mean, mum?”

“It means we’re moving again. We’ll be moving in 3 months.”

I tried to hold down my tears and swallowed to release some tension.

“But we just got here. Everything has been going fine for me. For once in my life,

I finally feel at home.”

Her expression changed, “But, honey–“

I couldn’t help but to head straight to my room and lock myself in it. I pressed my face onto the pillow and screamed. Tears formed as my heart felt like its dying. Why must life be so hard for me?

It felt like everything good that had been happening, disappeared in an instant. The bright sunny day turned dark and cold. I wish I could stay but I was still tied with my parents. I breathed deeply to ease my aching heart. Just then, a text message popped on the screen of my iPhone. It was Mike.

                “I miss you. I can’t wait to see you… Whenever that is.”

I ignored him because my heart couldn’t help but to feel guilty for him. For me. How pathetic am I? Hoping to get a slight taste of how normal teenagers live their lives. I should’ve distant myself from everyone. Why must I get attached? It hurts like hell. A second alert came.

                “Are you okay?”

I ignored it. I was tired after a long day. I cried myself to sleep hoping that it would ease up the pain welled up in my heart. A dark room, a dark and aching soul, fit perfectly together. I couldn’t help but to think of what would happen between him and me. I shut down my thoughts and put it to rest.

…………………………..

I was at the beach. I could feel the warmth of the sun taking the sorrow of my soul away. The salty air of the ocean filled my lungs and I breathed in deeply. I felt someone’s hand in mine. I glanced to my right and saw Mike. He flashed me a smile and pulled my body to his. He hugged me so tight it felt good. He was the one and only person who could make me feel complete. I pulled away in guilt as I remembered what happened. He glanced at me, eyebrows furrowed. That smile faded into a frown. He let go of me and started heading to the sea. I tried to scream don’t go there but nothing but air came out of my mouth. I followed him. I tried to stop him from going any deeper. My feet slipped and all I saw was murky water. I couldn’t feel the sand under my feet. I panicked. I was drowning. I remembered of the problems I would be facing if I live on, by then I stopped. I let the salty water filled my lungs and darkness filled my vision… It felt good. I’m at peace.

I heard a knock on the door. I woke up panting. My heart pounded hard. It was only a dream. I tried to get a hold of myself and headed to the door. It was dad.

                “Are you okay? You seemed to take it hard yesterday.”

                “I’m better now. Can you please, I need space right now.”

                “Alright then..”

Dad closed the door and I cried silently. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I reached for my phone and saw 10 missed calls and almost a dozen text messages from Mike. He was worried. I called him right away to tell him that I was fine and that I left my phone downstairs. Such a lame excuse. I couldn’t just tell him what happened. I couldn’t let him know just yet.

…………………………………

Weekend flew by fast as if everything was on fast forward. I didn’t want it to be. I only have a few months before starting anew again. I blamed my parents for this, for my depression, for my sorrow, for me being the weird kid of the school.

I saw him on his table, he was busy drawing. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what to feel anymore. I tried to hold back my tears. I couldn’t let him see me cry. I knew that I had to put on a happy mask the whole day, that’s hard for me though. Sometimes it’s better to pretend that everything’s fine rather than explaining to them what’s going on. My shoulders slumped, I looked at the floor to avoid any eye contact with anyone. I put my backpack in front of me and sat down. I hugged the backpack to find comfort. To ease this pain in my heart. I pressed my lips onto the top side of my bag and just closed my eyes. Mind empty, I tried my best to avoid my depression from kicking in.

Something dropped in front of me. I opened my eyes and saw a bar of chocolate with a card with a love on top of it. I saw him staring at me, flashing his sweet smile to me. I didn’t reply. His smile turned into a frown. I looked away, towards the window next to me. I saw birds flying ever so freely outside. I wish I could join them. 

Being free from disappointments and false hopes would be nice. It’s impossible when we’re still living though. I wish I could feel peace as I had felt when I dreamed about drowning. Letting myself drift in the silence, the darkness and the peace I’ve been craving for.

The bell rang and I went out of the class straightaway. A hand tugged my shoulder. I stopped. Breathed deep. Turned around and saw Mike with a pleading look of wanting to know what’s wrong. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I burst into tears and hugged him tightly. I needed comfort and this is it. I pressed my head onto his chest and just let everything out. He held me tight and whispered it’s okay, I’m here.

I knew he was eager to know what was wrong but he knew that I didn’t need any what how why questions right now. I love the fact that he understood me. It made me feel at home.

Dranias : Chapter 2

Chapter 2 :

It was 8pm and neither dad or mum was around. Welcome to my life, people. My hands were itching to contact him. It was a tug of war between my heart and my brain. My brain was telling me to wait until at least tomorrow and my heart screamed Go Get Him. I had nothing else to do and I was feeling dead lonely. I grabbed my iPhone and typed in his number... He picked up. Amazingly he did. My heart was about to burst of anxiety. He said hello.

"Hi..? Uhm, Mike?"

"Yeah? Is this Anna?"

I cringed, "Yes. This is Her Royal Highness Princess Amelia Sienna Dranias.", jokingly so that it didn't sound so serious.

"Well forgive me, Princess, what do I owe you of this phone call ?"

"I.. I wanna say sorry for what I did earlier, you drove off so fast I swear you could beat one of those Formula One drivers in an instant."

He laughed, "I was too overwhelmed for that kiss you gave me. I didn't know what to do and I was really shy. I'm sorry you thought of me differently."

"What?! You gotta be kidding me.", I laughed it out, "I thought you were one of those boys who had girls worshiping them like a boy band?".

Ladies and gentlemen, the flirting game begins.

"No. That’s so not the type of guy I am. I'm one of those people who are too afraid to get attached to someone because I can't handle the pain of heartbreaks."

I remained silent. I never thought that he would be this fragile.

"Anna?"

"Yes?"

"Let’s talk about something else..."

We continued on talking, small talk for hours until my parents were homed which was forty minutes past midnight. I never knew that a guy who seemed so emotionless, pretty much like a living zombie, could be this sweet and fragile. That’s why they said midnight conversation meant everything. He asked me to accompany him to the music shop after school on Friday. I agreed. I was really intoxicated with his presence. I needed daily doses of him to continue on living. Even if we didn’t have anything that’s official or anything... yet.

.…………………………

The sun greeted me with a kiss of light ray on my cheeks. I prepared myself for school as I normally would. I was eager to meet him at school.

I arrived at school early this time in hope of having a short conversation with Mike before class started. I waited and waited and the school bell rang. He was nowhere to be found. I was devastated. My thoughts wandered off thinking on what happened to him.

A hand smacked my table, it was Mr Parker.

“Anna, have you been paying attention to what I’ve been saying?”

His eyebrows furrowed.

 “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” I laughed nervously.

“Be sure to stay focused when I’m teaching. You won’t be getting an A if you don’t.”

I nodded.

.................

It was lunchtime and I sat alone at a remote table in the cafeteria. Suddenly a voice spoke to me.

“Hi, I’m Jillian. You’re new here right?” she gave me an innocent smile.

“Oh hi ! Yeah I am. My name is Anna. Nice to meet you”

“Yeah. Anna? If you need anything you can always come to me okay?”

I nodded and smiled as she went over to her friend’s table. I was pretty much alone the whole day at school. Being the new girl sucks.

…………………

I went home as soon as the bell rang. There was no reason for me to stick around. I went to my room and checked the phone that I left behind and saw 10 miscalls from Mike. What happened to him? I didn’t know whether to call him straightaway or maybe wait for him to call me back. My heart pounded so strong I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I was just about to press the call button when his name came up on the screen. I answered the call. I heard him sobbing from the other side.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I need you right now. I need someone. I want you by my side. I feel like my heart has been pierced by thousands of needles.”

“What happened? Tell me. It’s alright. I’m here now.” I felt something heavy in my heart.

“I fought with my parents. I wanted to leave. I just didn’t have the courage to.”

“It’s okay now. Do you know what I would do if I were you? I would write everything down on a piece of paper and just keep it sealed. It helps sometimes.”

“Really?” His voice started to clear up.

“Really.”

We talked some more. I tried to cheer him up by singing to him and I actually did it. It felt good to know you helped someone because it would have the same effect on you. My life wasn’t always the way it is now. I used to have bonding times with parents like normal families would. We went out together on weekends and spent the nights at home eating home-cooked meals. Everything changed 5 years ago. The point where mum was given a promotion to become a part of the board member of the company and dad was stationed somewhere far from home. In the end, dad had to fly all over the country for his job at least thrice a month and mum having meetings all the time. That left me alone, parentless, scarred with disappointments of failed promises and that had me diagnosed with depression. I may seem carefree and all but I could never be free from all wounds.

The sun slid down from the sky and the moon was glowing bright that night. I called again to check up on him. He sounded better now. He reminded me excitedly about the plans on Friday. I said okay. He sung to me a lullaby as a thank you for being there for him earlier that day. My heart melted like sweet ice-cream under the afternoon sun. His voice was so soft and so inviting. Is he a male siren or something?

Weird how his personality was different from his appearance. He wished me good night and I bid farewell. I could live to this, I thought to myself before heading to dreamland.

……………….

It was Friday. The day didn't come any sooner. My hands were sweating and anxiety was about to kick in. He asked me to wait for him in front of this old big tree near the school's entrance. I felt ugly because it’s been centuries since I've shopped for anything that’s in trend and I felt like the clothes I was wearing was from the middle ages. I wore this laced shirt with a black skirt and to complete the wardrobe, a decent black heels that was worn at least once, I think. I tied my hair into a ponytail so that I hope it'd make any difference. Five minutes later, a blue truck came in with a gorgeous guy wearing a black tee and khakis. I overheard the heaven's bells ringing from above telling me an angel came to greet me. We were destined to be together. That, I'm not sure of.

He opened the door for me, it was so freaking cute the way that he knew how to be a gentleman.  He mentioned, "A princess should always let the man open the door for her and in return, she must give him a kiss.". He was just kidding, I was sure of it. I just giggled and went into his car. The sweet scent of raspberry was driving me crazy and the best thing was, he kept his car clean and neat. He closed his door and the engine started with a poof. It was awkward at first but he made me feel comfortable. I love that about him.

"Anna ?"

I partially smiled, " Yeah?"

"You look beautiful."

My heart melted and blood rose to my cheeks. I didn't have the power to control my happiness that I grinned so long after he said that.

"You don't look too bad yourself." well I was obviously lying. He was hot like the Saharan dessert added with the flames from the sun and the magma from below.

He smiled in return. I tried my best to not make any eye contact with him. I didn't want to be mesmerized by his blue eyes like how I did on my second day. That was embarrassing.

It took him about ten minutes to drive to the place he mentioned. It looked kind of old style but still, I heard that this ones the best in the city. He held my hands when I get off the car. The shop was peaceful, in a way that mostly don't. He called me over to this one aisle. He used the demo player to listen to the song he wanted me to hear. He put the headphones just nicely on me. He asked,

"Ready ?"

 I nodded, he pressed the play button. The song played was an OST from this old movie, the title was I’ll Be I think. It was a sweet song. I hummed to the rhythm and unexpectedly, he pulled me close and he pressed my lips against his. Right there. In public. With everyone looking. I didn't bother them because I was in cloud nine. It felt like a dream. Our lips parted, we both grinned. I just stared at his blue eyes that now seemed lighter and full of life. He held my hands and led me back to the car.

"What's next ?", I smiled in hope of more sweet surprises.

"Next ? We're going to the park."

I couldn't help but to stare at his face when he's driving. I never thought, especially after what he told me earlier, that he would actually kiss me, especially in public. My thoughts drifted off and the sound from the radio faded. We were at a beach in the summer time. The sand was warm and the sun was way up in the sky. There was nobody except for the two of us there. I pointed at the soaring seagulls and there he knelt, "If it would take forever to know you, and to earn your trust, I would give up my lifetime in exchange. To have you by my side is a gift that will cost a miracle to happen. Amelia Sienna Dranias, I am here to ask for your hand in marri-". The image blurred out and I was back in reality. Seemed like I drifted off to far this time. I have such wild imaginations. "Hello ?", waving his hand as he did when I first hallucinated. I was lost for a minute there. "You daydream a lot now don't you Miss Dranias ?", he giggled. "Yeah I do, and most of them are about you getting eaten by sharks". He grinned knowing that it was sarcasm.

By then I looked outside the window of his truck, I saw leaves falling ever so elegantly with lakes that were calm, untouched. I asked him why are we here, he explained that he wanted to show me the part of Chicago that he loved. He took my hand and we strolled along the walkway. Kids were playing and laughing with their family. I wish I could spend time with my family like how they did. Mike saw my expressions changed and asked why. I explained that my family used to be all loving and caring but then that was once upon a time ago. Things changed and people changed. I became a loner ever since. We sat down on an old bench near the lake. He enveloped me with his arms and comforted me.

"Life isn’t fair sometimes. In order for you to achieve something, you have to sacrifice another.” I nodded and rested my head on his shoulders and just enjoyed his warmth. It’s good to have someone that understands you wholly. We talked hours long before it was time for me to go.