Longings

Hello readers,

Its been awhile since I've posted something other than my crappy short stories that I never get the chance to finish in this blog. Perhaps enough of that for the moment. Let me show you 3 pictures of what I've been doing or so. I also have this thing that I want to announce here in my blog.

 I went to KL for three days for my mum's event at Putra Hotel (?) I'm not sure of the exact name of the hotel I stayed in. Nevertheless, I had quite the fun even though it was a short trip. I had the time to walk around in KL like how I used to before having to deal with SPM, and now that its over, its more blissful. I'll be going to Brisbane for my sister's graduation ceremony and will be dropping by Gold Coast this Saturday. I'll update more about my adventures in Australia. Some of you might or might not know that I will be continuing my studies in Melbourne next February, InsyaAllah. That's one part of the thing that I would like to announce here.

  

Now, you might be wondering why I posted a picture of the things I bought in KL, well it has something to do with what I'm going to tell next ! Since I will be studying in Australia, I was google-ing a few things to prepare me for the culture differences, what I need and where can I get those stuffs kind of stuff. It shocked me that not many people (international students) write about their experiences in Australia or anywhere else in this world. It gave me an idea to do a some sort of guide for future international students to prep themselves before going abroad. I have decided to create a new blog (or might just change things in this blog) for that single purpose. I also have decided to be more positive and kind of experiment with fashion, thus bringing the reason to upload the picture above in this post. A breath of fresh air is all we need here in this dusty depressing blog of mine. So I might do a little bit of fashion blogging in this blog.

Not to forget I'm also an avid novel reader. I bought this book in Kinokuniya, KLCC last Sunday. I had this book with me to avoid boredom in my two hours long flight. It helped though even in a slightest bit. I upload stuffs in my Instagram account, regularly unlike my blog. Do follow me on Instagram; @captmizanahmad . Well as for this book, it seems really interesting in the early parts of the novel. I haven't reached the end of the novel but based on the feedback I've gotten from my friends, it seems worthy to read.

That is all for now dear follow readers.
 Thanks for reading.

Luna's Tenebris Part II Caerulus

Visions of the guy kept haunting me until the roaring clasp of the audience made me aware of reality. Finally, the presentation was over. The warmth of my bed and the coldness of my room made me eager to go back home and rest. As I was preparing to pack the things for the presentation, I heard a familiar voice from behind. No it was not the professor; this one was different yet familiar. I swiftly turned around and my eyes widened in shock as I saw him again, the guy from before. He was talking to the professor and he caught me looking at him. Everything became blurry to me and not long after that, my vision was filled with darkness. All that I saw before the darkness was him trying to catch me for some reason I could not fathom.

…………………………………………….

I opened my eyes slowly and saw the pale white ceiling from above and heard the constant beeping of the heart rate monitor. My head was aching so badly and as I was touching it, I could feel some odd contours on my forehead. My state of confusion didn’t go away when I turned to my right and saw him on the couch next to the window of the room. Who is this guy? I had no idea. He looked adorable with his perfect brunette hair, one hand behind his neck as a pillow and his perfect facial features. I noticed something on his right arm, a tattoo. It seemed weird that it was somehow familiar to me but I have never seen anything like it before. A sudden knock on the door made my heart stopped for a second. It was the nurse, she was checking on my condition and to make sure there were no oddities on the monitor.

“How are you feeling?” she asked with a smile.

“I’m feeling better, thank you.”

“The gentleman has been here all day waiting for you to wake up. Who is he? Is he your boyfriend?”

“No…” I had struggles to tell the nurse who he really was because I had no idea myself.

“Well then, have a good night rest Miss Vasiliev. Make sure to press the bell button if you need any assistance,” she left with a big grin plastered on her face. I wonder if it’s because that I said he’s not my boyfriend or the fact that there were no abnormalities on the monitor… It must be the first one.

She went out of the room as quiet as a mouse. I turned back to him. His eyelids were closed but there was this smirk on his face.

“Are you fond of the sight you’re seeing?”

“What sight? Who are you?”

“I’ve noticed that you’ve been looking at me for a while now”, he smiled.

“Yeah right”, I tried my best to not show myself blush in front of him.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“I’m a close friend of the professor, he is actually my mentor. My name is Arthur Berlix.”

“What happened to me earlier? Why am I here?” captivated by his eyes which was more alluring at night I tried my best to look away.

“Let’s play the questions game, we both take turns to ask each other. It will be fair then. My turn now, what’s your name?”

“I’m Luna Vasiliev. I’m actually tired.. I should rest,” he stood up and went closer to my bed. It made me feel uncomfortable and alarmed.

“Go ahead Miss Vasiliev, I’ll be here if you need me”, he took my right hand and kissed it ever so gently.

“Thank you, that’s thoughtful of you. Good night then,” a sheepish grin appeared on my face. Nobody had done this to me before, he made me feel somehow special but for sure I won’t let my guards down because that would only cause me harm.

“Good night,” he smiled and headed back to the couch.

I watched him sleep before fatigue washed over me. For the first time since forever, someone made me feel the way he did. It was weird but it’s a nice type of weird. The coldness of the night made me fell asleep faster.

…………………………………………….

Luna's Tenebris : Part I Ravus

I realized I was a fool searching for something that was nearly impossible to find. I was a fool to think that such thing would actually exist in this world of chaos. Although people say that even in the darkness of the night, the moon will shine and soon darkness will vanquish. My hopes faltered after realizing that light will never truly vanquish the dark. As the moon and the dark can never be truly apart.

I pressed my temples with my hand and realized it was already dawn. The pain I had in my head wouldn't fade away like how it used to. Everything was dull to me. My room which was covered in grey and white decorations didn't help to enlighten myself to greet the day with a spirit. I looked around to see nobody in this empty apartment of mine. Unwashed laundry scattered everywhere in my room, I had no will whatsoever to clean this mess. My phone rang and it was Kate,"Where the hell are you? The professor is going to kill you if you don't come over in 5 minutes." I was still in a blur to what was going on. My eyes widened as I remembered that I was supposed to help him to set up his presentation today in front of the Council. Adrenaline rushed in my veins as I quickly got up and headed straight to my campus.

 ..................................................................

Sweat formed on my forehead. Even the cold wind of early Spring couldn't cool me down. I was a few feet away from the entrance to my faculty and with a blink of an eye, the door opened and I lost my balance for a second before this one guy grabbed hold of my hand and quickly pulled me into his arms. Everything went slow for a moment as I looked up and saw his mesmerizing brown eyes and smile. My heartbeat tripled its pace and blood rushed to my cheeks making it pinkish red. I snapped out of the gaze and picked up everything that had fallen.

"Are you okay, Miss?", he proceeded to help me pick up my fallen items.
"I'm fine.", I couldn't stand looking into his eyes so I looked down due to that embarrassing moment that had befallen to me.
"I'm sorry if I had knocked you off your feet. For a moment there I thought there was nobody coming in.", he straighten up and smiled.
"It's okay. I'm alright.", I tucked an errant strand of hair back behind my ear and left without looking back.

I heard him say something but I was already late to turn back.

 ..................................................................

Forgotten Part I

Forgotten

Why must the world be unfair to some of us? We were all created as equals, guys and girls, we were meant to fill what each other are lacking, to make us whole. Each and everyone of us are fighting our own battle which we may or might not know about. What hurts a lot is when you deem yourself worthless and that everyone else around you treat you that way.

Sitting down, with my back against the cold wall of my bedroom, the dim light that makes everything seem dull, I now know that love is only something that we create to forget reality for a little while. It is of our own foolish thoughts that made such infatuation true. 

A quote from my favourite movie mentioned, “Love, why would you make yourself believe in something that is just a beautiful lie?”.

Love is a beautiful lie that we tell to ourselves.

Love is what shapes us and it is the cause of our own destruction.

Tears begin to form and fall down from my cheeks, everything feels numb now. Not even the cut I made on my wrist can defeat the pain that struck my heart as it is now broken to pieces. Trails of crimson red flow from my wrist to the white marble of the floor. The feeling of heartache, disappointment and most of all, the feeling of being worthless was pumping in my veins, swallowing me whole and making me reminisce on what happened for the past few weeks.

…………………………………………………………………………

September 13^th

The soothing ocean breeze greeted me as I strolled along the beach. Being used to being alone made me feel like it was a normal thing to do, to stroll by myself while my friends were enjoying their time together. It didn’t bother me that much. I took photos of the beautiful creation God made, I enjoy taking photographs as I know that this little moments are worth to be cherished and to be kept as a reminder of the good old days when I come to a dead end in the near future. As I was enjoying the sand under my feet, with the ray of the sun blissfully shone my way along the beach, there I saw her. The dress she wore made her bloom like flowers in early spring. The smile that she wore was as beautiful as the scenery at dawn before the sun greets the mountains with purplish hue. She was sitting under a palm tree near to where my friends were at. She was blowing bubbles and without me noticing, my finger pressed the shutter button of my camera and took a beautiful photo her. It was as if my body had the mind of its own. I smiled in awkwardness as she looked at me. I walked away as if nothing happened, but I could feel a rush of blood rushed up to my cheeks that made it pinkish red.

Update

Sorry guys for not being able to finish Dranias as I failed to
construct a decent plot for the short story.
I'm currently working on a new short story titled "Forgotten".

Stay tuned for more updates on the new short story by no other than me.

Here's a short preview of the short story..

Forgotten by Mizan Ahmad

Why must the world be unfair to some of us? We were all created as equals, guys and girls, we were meant to fill what each other are lacking, to make us whole. Each and everyone of us are fighting our own battle which we may or might not know about. What hurts a lot is when you deem yourself worthless and that everyone else around you treat you that way.

Sitting down, with my back against the cold wall of my bedroom, the dim light that makes everything seem dull, I now know that love is only something that we create to forget reality for a little while. It is of our own foolish thoughts that made such infatuation true. A quote from my favourite movie mentioned, “Love, why would you make yourself believe in something that is just a beautiful lie?”.

Love is a beautiful lie that we tell to ourselves.

Love is what shapes us and it is the cause of our own destruction.

Tears begin to form and fall down from my cheeks, everything feels numb now. Not even the cut I made on my wrist can defeat the pain that struck my heart as it is now broken to pieces. Trails of crimson red flow from my wrist to the white marble of the floor. The feeling of heartache, disappointment and most of all, the feeling of being worthless was pumping in my veins, swallowing me whole and making me reminisce on what happened for the past few weeks.

............................................................................................................

 

Thanks for reading.

Fragile

Fragile as a broken glass, as a new born baby and as a heart scarred with battle wounds.

I don't know how many shots can I take until I lose hope on everything. I'm trying to be positive with myself but in the end, the arrow will always hit the target. I need to be away from everyone, all the stress, all the drama and all this pressure that makes my head want to blow. I'm dying, not literally but my weak soul is. People look at me as if I'm just a parasite. What are the odds of my dreams to come true? All this pain I have to endure by myself, I don't know whether to end this misery soon or just keep moving on.

Support. Its all that I wanted, all that I crave for. What do I get instead? More heart aching comments and more stress by stupid people that only think of themselves. I have been trying to go with the flow of life but for once I want to hook on to something just so that I have a chance of living and not drowning. My heart is just too hurt to carry on. If only I could end this with a trigger of a bullet but I'm not a fool to do such thing.

Dreams, they are all shattering. Perhaps its better for me to just let go of everything and just be dreamless. What is the point of dreaming something that can't come true? When you've already worked your ass off to reach it? Am I really destined to be someone good ? Or am I really destined to be like the rocks at the bottom of the sea?

My mind is filled with fathomless thoughts that can't be put into words. I feel like ugh. I just can't wait to get out of this labyrinth of suffering, but hopefully I won't do the same thing that Alaska did.

Trying to make myself better but in the end,
the glue just won't stick. Everything starts to fall off again.

 Until my next blog post my fellow readers,
Thanks for reading.

Calm Waters

We never really do have a clue on what lurks inside calm waters. They might seem peaceful and calm but who knows whether it is filled with dangerous and alien like creatures? Just like how a person may seem calm on the outside but what about the inside? Perhaps the person may have dark secrets or even have to face too many problems that he began to become stoic about it. Perhaps thats why that person seems emotionless and calm on the outside. Perhaps he is already used to shits not going well for him.

How do you expect to do as told but the person that tells you to do things don't listen to your opinion on anything? There has to be a two link bond in between two person. Respect what other people think and just adapt to it without feeling hurt because perhaps that's how you learn to live amongst people. They have their own distinctive way of things and you just have to adjust without saying much. Perhaps this is the key to surviving abroad. To surviving even. You need to learn how to adapt. All creatures on this planet have survived through million of years because of one thing and of one thing only, its that they learn how to adapt towards the change of their surroundings. Its just a thought but perhaps it might shed some light on a few things.

I've been through a lot lately and this degree of stress is higher than what I've been through before. But like any other living creatures on this planet I have to adapt to change, even if that means that I would become inhumane to some extent. I'm adapting myself so that I wont be bothered by small problems and to be able to focus on solving main problems. Being cussed at, mocked at and any other form of insult is bearable for me because I've been through it for a long time. Its that I dont really focus on those things that made me able to move on and carry on with life. Even if life sucks to the extent of me wanting to kill myself but still, I have the strength to carry on. 

I am not perfect. In fact nobody is. We all have flaws and some sort of defects but for sure if you are matured enough, you won't go around making fun of other peoples' flaws because for sure they don't like them themselves. Instead of looking at others', how about we focus on our own flaws? You don't know how hard it is for certain people to see the value of their lives, if you go around and telling other people about that person's flaws then to some extent, the person might think that they don't have any value at all and they are not important in this world. One thing for sure is that they are wrong. You don't live to please others, if you care too much on what other people think then nothing will fall perfectly for you. That's a fact.

Strive to be a better person, prove them wrong,

let them see pass all that flaws, but one thing for sure is;

don't forget to be yourself.

Thanks for reading this lame blog post but I hope you gain a few things

by reading this.