Broken

How do you mend a broken soul ?
As you know darkness lurks within this wall of haze.
What would you do if you know there is no cure?
All your hope shatters as you know its impossible for someone to mend you.
All you want to do is to escape this labyrinth, but when all prevails,
all that you want to do is to cry.
 
Crying helps... at least for awhile.


As quoted in tfios,
"The world isn't a wish-granting factory."

I agree. You have to fight for the things that you want.
But what if what you want is something you can't fight for?
Perhaps because its something non-physical ?

All I want now is peace in my heart and soul.
My old self is gradually fading away.
Being broken means you are living your life differently than before.
To live on with a few shattered pieces missing.
Its just not the same.

I know I need someone but I don't know who that someone is.

Until next time,
thanks for reading.

Random

Enjoy whatever and regret nothing.

I've learned something valuable these past few years.

Its something that you won't regret doing.

That something is trying new things.

It won't hurt you and the experience gained are precious !

I used to be afraid of trying new things and now that I think of it,

I regret for not trying and I've wasted loads of opportunities that could

possibly bring bliss to me.

A shout out to everyone out there,

just try new things that would bring good to you !

You will start to enjoy life more and it helps to bring the best of you.

Thanks for reading :)

Lost

Why do we only realize how precious something is when its gone forever?

Its sad. Sad to think about it.

I wonder how many people would come to my funeral,
How many would shed their tears when I'm gone?

Death is something inevitable.

When you die, they will remember you for your good deeds, only for awhile that is.
Then they will move on and just forget about you.
You see, suicide is not an answer to anything.
Although it sounds so inviting at times but you have to think
about it thoroughly.

It's useless.

Learn to appreciate what you have before its gone, before that someone is gone.
Choose your friends carefully. Some will only use you and some will stand by you
at your lowest. Who you befriends with will impact you emotionally.

Perhaps the ones you thought would be there for you when you needed them,
will only abandon you when they've found a better option.

Its sad but its true. I know because I'm going through the same situation.

Life

Life, as they say, is fucked up.
People face different challenges each day. Each and one of us with our own battle.
Perhaps you might see a cheerful, perfect, rich girl but you might not know what
she has to face everyday at home. Or even a smart ass dude who got at least an A- for each subjects but for sure you don't know what shit he has to face everyday.

Humans are becoming more inhumane. They are becoming more and more self-centered by each passing day. Today, kindness has become a rare thing that people mistook for flirting. Fucked up society we're living in.

This is my opinion on how I see things in this world, but as I see it, its shitty. An act of kindness is often replied with an act of cruelty. What makes me sad to see is that society wants us to be confident and to express ourselves but as we do so, we only get judged and so. Lesson learned is that you can never please society. Just do what the fuck you want to do as long as it doesn't burden others. You shouldn't give a damn towards what others think because you can only live this life once. Do things that you won't regret doing and just feel free.

I have yet to free myself from this labyrinth of mine. I just want to live my life the way I want to live it and to minimize the stress I get from other people. At least then, I could just fly off anywhere and just be free.

That's it from me today.
Thanks for reading.

Humans

I don't really understand how the mind works and how our environment affects our behavior but for sure its not that really difficult to be understood.

Some people might say capture every moment you have because every moment is worth cherishing.
On the other hand, some might say that you should live the moment instead of capturing it.
I don't really know which one is better but for sure it depends on ourselves to choose.
Each decisions we make defines us as a person, some might make the wrong decisions but for sure what matters most is your next. Whether or not you could redeem your previous mistakes or just succumb yourself in a sea of guilt and ignorance.

Nobody is perfect, this is true. We need mistakes to learn, to better ourselves. How can we learn without making any errors in life? For sure experience plays part. It revolves around that you see.
Each and everyone of us are different from each other. You might find someone who can relate to you and what not but for sure if you get to know the person more, even if the person could understand your situation or your emotions or even how you act, deep down there must be something that's not aligned in the constellation of your stars and the person's.

I'm talking bull pretty much.
I guess I'll leave it until here then.

Thanks for reading :)

Unvalued. Unappreciated.

Hi guys, I know its been awhile since I've posted up anything here. My big exam is just around the corner so yeah.

Unvalued. Unappreciated.

How would you feel when people around you take you for granted?
Its either you become stoic or might as well become soulless. Accept or change.
Imagine knowing that you've been unwanted since you came out of your mother's womb, it hurts doesn't it ?

This is just a random fathomless thought.

A mere caterpillar who meant nothing to people evolved into something beautiful. Only then it will be appreciated. Society is just a wreck. Humans are becoming inhumane day by day. This is my labyrinth of suffering and sadly, the only way out of this suffering is to end it by freeing your body and spirit forever. Letting go of everything and just proceed to the next stage of the oblivion.

I am utterly speechless.

The feeling of being unappreciated hurts a lot. No matter how hard you try to change that, it won't go away. People set certain expectations towards other people which will only bring more negativity towards both parties.

Life is a gift which is more valuable than any material that can be found on this planet but sadly things don't go that way in modern society's mind set. Let me give you a scenario...

An 18 year old boy was involved in a life threatening accident.
What you might think is that the boy's parents would ask about his condition first,
but sadly in reality the boy's parents would ask about the condition of the lifeless four-wheeled piece of metal first.

 Mainly the point is that in most cases, materials are more valuable than a person's life.

People don't really know how or what to appreciate. Not until its gone for good.

Dranias : Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I came home after a day out with Mike and found both my parents sitting on the round dinner table as I passed through the main hallway. I was shocked because it’s been ages since I’ve seen them sitting down like a normal couple would. I asked what was happening.

“I have great news for you! I just got an offer for a raise and will be stationed somewhere far north.”

“What do you mean, mum?”

“It means we’re moving again. We’ll be moving in 3 months.”

I tried to hold down my tears and swallowed to release some tension.

“But we just got here. Everything has been going fine for me. For once in my life,

I finally feel at home.”

Her expression changed, “But, honey–“

I couldn’t help but to head straight to my room and lock myself in it. I pressed my face onto the pillow and screamed. Tears formed as my heart felt like its dying. Why must life be so hard for me?

It felt like everything good that had been happening, disappeared in an instant. The bright sunny day turned dark and cold. I wish I could stay but I was still tied with my parents. I breathed deeply to ease my aching heart. Just then, a text message popped on the screen of my iPhone. It was Mike.

                “I miss you. I can’t wait to see you… Whenever that is.”

I ignored him because my heart couldn’t help but to feel guilty for him. For me. How pathetic am I? Hoping to get a slight taste of how normal teenagers live their lives. I should’ve distant myself from everyone. Why must I get attached? It hurts like hell. A second alert came.

                “Are you okay?”

I ignored it. I was tired after a long day. I cried myself to sleep hoping that it would ease up the pain welled up in my heart. A dark room, a dark and aching soul, fit perfectly together. I couldn’t help but to think of what would happen between him and me. I shut down my thoughts and put it to rest.

…………………………..

I was at the beach. I could feel the warmth of the sun taking the sorrow of my soul away. The salty air of the ocean filled my lungs and I breathed in deeply. I felt someone’s hand in mine. I glanced to my right and saw Mike. He flashed me a smile and pulled my body to his. He hugged me so tight it felt good. He was the one and only person who could make me feel complete. I pulled away in guilt as I remembered what happened. He glanced at me, eyebrows furrowed. That smile faded into a frown. He let go of me and started heading to the sea. I tried to scream don’t go there but nothing but air came out of my mouth. I followed him. I tried to stop him from going any deeper. My feet slipped and all I saw was murky water. I couldn’t feel the sand under my feet. I panicked. I was drowning. I remembered of the problems I would be facing if I live on, by then I stopped. I let the salty water filled my lungs and darkness filled my vision… It felt good. I’m at peace.

I heard a knock on the door. I woke up panting. My heart pounded hard. It was only a dream. I tried to get a hold of myself and headed to the door. It was dad.

                “Are you okay? You seemed to take it hard yesterday.”

                “I’m better now. Can you please, I need space right now.”

                “Alright then..”

Dad closed the door and I cried silently. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I reached for my phone and saw 10 missed calls and almost a dozen text messages from Mike. He was worried. I called him right away to tell him that I was fine and that I left my phone downstairs. Such a lame excuse. I couldn’t just tell him what happened. I couldn’t let him know just yet.

…………………………………

Weekend flew by fast as if everything was on fast forward. I didn’t want it to be. I only have a few months before starting anew again. I blamed my parents for this, for my depression, for my sorrow, for me being the weird kid of the school.

I saw him on his table, he was busy drawing. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what to feel anymore. I tried to hold back my tears. I couldn’t let him see me cry. I knew that I had to put on a happy mask the whole day, that’s hard for me though. Sometimes it’s better to pretend that everything’s fine rather than explaining to them what’s going on. My shoulders slumped, I looked at the floor to avoid any eye contact with anyone. I put my backpack in front of me and sat down. I hugged the backpack to find comfort. To ease this pain in my heart. I pressed my lips onto the top side of my bag and just closed my eyes. Mind empty, I tried my best to avoid my depression from kicking in.

Something dropped in front of me. I opened my eyes and saw a bar of chocolate with a card with a love on top of it. I saw him staring at me, flashing his sweet smile to me. I didn’t reply. His smile turned into a frown. I looked away, towards the window next to me. I saw birds flying ever so freely outside. I wish I could join them. 

Being free from disappointments and false hopes would be nice. It’s impossible when we’re still living though. I wish I could feel peace as I had felt when I dreamed about drowning. Letting myself drift in the silence, the darkness and the peace I’ve been craving for.

The bell rang and I went out of the class straightaway. A hand tugged my shoulder. I stopped. Breathed deep. Turned around and saw Mike with a pleading look of wanting to know what’s wrong. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I burst into tears and hugged him tightly. I needed comfort and this is it. I pressed my head onto his chest and just let everything out. He held me tight and whispered it’s okay, I’m here.

I knew he was eager to know what was wrong but he knew that I didn’t need any what how why questions right now. I love the fact that he understood me. It made me feel at home.